So I have two more weeks of school term until I get to go to Thailand for break.
I’ve come so far I think! One year ago I was still kind of fucked up and very lonely because I was living alone and isolated in Milwaukee. I didn’t have anyone I could really call a friend until the last 2 months of my time in Milwaukee which was April. I was still not technically “clean” since I didn’t want to be. I was dissociating regularly and still reeling from being harassed during my first quarter. I was also living without my regular hearing aids since they were lost in the mail, but I did not know that then.
But the main thing was the loneliness. It was horrible. Even while I lived in the dorms, my social anxiety combined with my hearing loss and culture shock resulted in my not making many friends in freshman year. While other first year kids were already grouping up, I isolated myself in my room. I rarely kept my door open, and I felt like I had to be vigilant all the time.
Although after I moved out from the dorms and got my apartment which was very nice, I was even more isolated. I went for days not talking to anyone. I remember one night where I just completely dissociated and spent the whole night just thinking about how lonely it was.
Even though I already was past the point of wanting to kill myself, I remember relapsing several times that first year. I had good grades and even pulled a 4.00 my second term and got a 3.93 GPA the end of my first year, but I was suffering.
But now to the good stuff.
After only 8 weeks at my new uni, I have what I could even call a friend group. People whom I study with, who I eat with, and who I laugh with. They might make me annoyed sometimes, but these people care about me, and I for them. Being with these people made me wonder how I ever made it without friends.
I’m 9 months clean today. I just finished my final project for computer science class. I might be pulling a 4.00 this term. I’m going to Thailand in two weeks.
I’m going through my first term again, but this time with friends there with me.