Posted on Mar 21, 2015 ; related to Updates, Identity, Looking Back. Leave a comment?
This post is really on a whim. I saw this post on Tumblr and went on a little in the tags. I felt compelled to post more about this on an impulse about my experience.
I may have mentioned this before, but I had lots of mental health issues growing up. I grew up with anger issues, anxiety, and some OCD. When I hit puberty I started questioning my gender identity (this was way before I even know being transgender was a thing) and I started having depression and self harmed a bit at the age of 12. Things went up and down from there, and things got really bad in 2012. The depression got worse, the dysphoria came, I had suicidal thoughts all the time, and I started self harming regularly. 2013 was the worst year of my life.
But the point isn’t to have a pity party. This post is about recovery. It took time. It really did. At first I didn’t even make a decision to recover initially. It was more like a “no promises” kind of thing. I’ve been addicted enough times to know that resolving to quit something (in my case, self harm) was setting the bar too high.
So I started with low expectations of myself. But it was gradual. Each day didn’t seem much different from the last. Little things happened, and I didn’t notice it during the way, but when I look back it seemed so much more obvious. Me telling my mother about my self harm, me getting a therapist, me not wanting to die for the first time in 2 years, me being 6 months clean.
So now am I perfectly normal and happy? Far from it. I still think I’m pretty fucked up and I want to go back to old habits. When that happens I remind myself I used to be even more fucked up and that wasn’t fun at all.
To any of you who are struggling with this right now, life isn’t a spiral of downs and more downs, though it really fucking feels like it sometimes. If there are downs, there are ups, and if you’re down now, you’re just saving the ups for the future so you can appreciate it more.
Alright, I think I’m done rambling. This is all I wanted to say for now.
Posted on Apr 4, 2014 ; related to Updates, Real life. Leave a comment?
Hi, anyone who happens to be here. It’s really been a while! I don’t really need to say it, but so many things have happened lately! Not just “things” that happened, but I happened too. Sorry if I’m not making much sense. I’m going to college in the fall, I went through a lot of emotional stuff, and I’m preparing to graduate this May. It’s kind of sentimental to see Wacky Onion like this again, when it’s been nearly 5 years since I began it.
So, I’ll be working on the site, maybe taking out the old content, looking for some dead links, and updating some outdated pages. I don’t have a clear vision for Wacky O right now, but I’m considering a few options. Mostly I’ll try to continue working on this when I have time (It’s a Friday night right now). Do expect some updates though. I’m still working on the site, and I hope to make it all shiny and new again.
Posted on Jan 21, 2013 ; related to Updates, Real life, Literature. 1 comment.
Sorry for not posting for so long. I was (am) super busy.
Get this: Januaries in Michigan are so warm that you can go outside in a t-shirt and still be OK (That’s what I did last week). They said there would be a snowstorm last Tuesday, then last Thursday, but none came. It’s Monday afternoon, and it’s been snowing all day. So, yeah… At least Februaries are more predictable than Januaries. They have mostly lots of snow.
I’ve been reading lots and lots of manga lately. I finished Bokurano after spending 3 nights reading it. It’s quite good for existential food for thought. Last week I read Wendy, which was really really good (though kind of mind-twisting and heavy). I’ve been reading lots more, but I won’t trouble you guys with any more geeking out.
Three Men in a Boat, the classic by Jerome K. Jerome, is really hilarious! I had to read it for British Lit, but I totally enjoyed it. If you read it, you won’t look at cheese the same way again. Just saying…