Wacky Onion

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About the Owner

I am a university student currently living in Milwaukee, WI. I run this blog in my spare time and write about things such as gender and existentialism. More about me

About the Layout

I haven't worked with yellow in a while. It's refreshing. When making this layout, the theme in my mind was "making the pieces fit together." More about the layout

Welcome to Wacky Onion!

2010

Posted on Jan 25, 2015 ; related to Gender, Identity, Looking Back. Leave a comment?

It’s kind of surreal to think back to 2010. It’s already been half a decade since then. In 2010, when I was 13, I was still figuring all this gender thing out. It had been one year since I made the decision to cut my hair, and I was getting used to being read as a boy and being treated differently. Although I didn’t know it at the time, I was starting to know what having male privilege was like. The difference was not obvious to me, but as my mother started to point them out to me, I noticed. Things that I liked happened: people moving out of my way more, being more respected, and not feeling constantly aware of being sexualized. But some things also happened that made me uncomfortable: being told to “man up,” feeling like I have to constantly prove my masculinity, using public restrooms, and getting weird looks when people realized that I was “really a girl.”

13 year old me didn’t know it at the time, but looking back, I was a boy then. A young trans boy exploring a new identity, what it means to be a guy, what it means to be a girl. The funny thing was, I wasn’t aware I was a boy at the time. Five years later it’s obvious to me. I made friends in homeschool co-op who didn’t know I was “really a girl,” I grin and feel good whenever I got read as male in public, and I felt totally comfortable wearing clothes from the men’s section.

No, actually, looking back I was kind of aware something was up. The previous year I decided to cut my hair because someone thought I was a guy. I hurried back home and googled “girl who wants to be a guy.” Thanks to the Internet, I knew what “ftm” was. I longed for binders, I wanted to present and live full time as male, but I thought it was sin. I gave myself a way out by thinking that I was just a tomboy, and this was just a phase. I wasn’t really a boy, I was just a girl who liked masculine things.

But I was never shown what being a man looked like. My father was distant and I didn’t respect him much, so I looked to other sources. The traditional American macho philosophy provided me a framework, if you will, for what masculinity should look like. I wanted to belong, so I took part in misogyny. I looked down on girls and tried to distance myself from anything remotely feminine. I already had internalized misogyny from my years of not being “one of those girls,” so it was an easy fit for me.

Even with all that, 2010 was a good year, all in all. I still have a picture of myself at 13, wearing a Flyleaf t-shirt and cargo shorts for my homeschool co-op picture. In it I just had a haircut and I am smiling widely. I didn’t have to deal with a lot of things yet.
If 13 year old me could see me right now, he probably would have lots of questions. He would ask if I have a binder, if I was a boy or a girl, how I made it the past five years. But most importantly, he would ask if I were still me.

It’s Been a While

Posted on Apr 4, 2014 ; related to Updates, Real life. Leave a comment?

Hi, anyone who happens to be here. It’s really been a while! I don’t really need to say it, but so many things have happened lately! Not just “things” that happened, but I happened too. Sorry if I’m not making much sense. I’m going to college in the fall, I went through a lot of emotional stuff, and I’m preparing to graduate this May. It’s kind of sentimental to see Wacky Onion like this again, when it’s been nearly 5 years since I began it.

So, I’ll be working on the site, maybe taking out the old content, looking for some dead links, and updating some outdated pages. I don’t have a clear vision for Wacky O right now, but I’m considering a few options. Mostly I’ll try to continue working on this when I have time (It’s a Friday night right now). Do expect some updates though. I’m still working on the site, and I hope to make it all shiny and new again.

The other day I was helping my friend Anjili with his Javascript/HTML homework and that reminded me about how much I love coding. So, I have to thank Anjili for getting me back to work on Wacky Onion. =]

-Tee

January in MI = What the Heck?!

Posted on Jan 21, 2013 ; related to Updates, Real life, Literature. 1 comment.

Hey guys!
Sorry for not posting for so long. I was (am) super busy.
Get this: Januaries in Michigan are so warm that you can go outside in a t-shirt and still be OK (That’s what I did last week). They said there would be a snowstorm last Tuesday, then last Thursday, but none came. It’s Monday afternoon, and it’s been snowing all day. So, yeah… At least Februaries are more predictable than Januaries. They have mostly lots of snow.

I’ve been reading lots and lots of manga lately. I finished Bokurano after spending 3 nights reading it. It’s quite good for existential food for thought. Last week I read Wendy, which was really really good (though kind of mind-twisting and heavy). I’ve been reading lots more, but I won’t trouble you guys with any more geeking out. XD

Three Men in a Boat, the classic by Jerome K. Jerome, is really hilarious! I had to read it for British Lit, but I totally enjoyed it. If you read it, you won’t look at cheese the same way again. Just saying…

-Tee

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